Monday, February 22, 2010

Joke of the Week

Western Law
These laws apply to Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, Colorado, Oklahoma,Wyoming, Montana, Utah, Idaho, and the rest of the wild west.

1. Pull your pants up. you look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.

3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-75 & I-35 go North, I-20 & I-3 go East. Pick one and go.

5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand te concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese / pheasants / ducks / doves are coming in during the hunts, we WILL shoot it outa your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

10. We open doors for Women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.

11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham or turkey.

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salp , pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah...We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat, IT AIN'T REAL CHILI !!

13 You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.

16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump junk ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers ! REFER BACK TO #1!


Conscious Observer said...

Number 8 is great! They're ALL great. And yes, turn that damn noise down and stop rattling windows. Even you can't tell what you're listening to, you idiot!

Great stuff RWE. I just got back in the game. If you can, please read my "I'm back! Hey Gibbs, read my hand..." On Conscious Observer.

Have a blessed American day!

Right Wing Extreme said...

Welcome back. We need all the help we can get to get these jokers thinking the "Right" way. I read your post, pure gold my friend. There is one thing Sarah could not out-do Gibbs in. She can not out whine his pansy ass. Everyone should take a gander at this post.

Mike aka Proof said...

I liked #5. Funny stuff!

Right Wing Extreme said...

I am rather partial to #7.