Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Joke of the Week

I know that the Joke posts are supposed to be on Monday, but in Vicodin Land, it is Monday. Just kidding, I am just running behind. I have a stock of jokes that I keep on hand for for these posts. Many of the jokes are sent to me by my friends, family and co-workers. It occurred to me that we bloggers all need to keep contact and support each other, so if any would like to get a joke posted and their blog referenced, just drop me a line at rightwingextreme@hotmail.com or rightwingextreme1776@gmail.com. This offer is not just for ConservaBloggers, but any and all who want to help me with my Joke of the Week posts and get a plug for their site. I will even plug a lefty site if the joke is RWE worthy. Make sure to include a link to your site.

This weeks joke was sent to me by a former co-worker. Tip O' the Hat to Nicole R. for this week's submission.

Jokes to Offend Everyone

If you are offended, sorry, I did my best to make fun of everyone equally.

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it’s worth it.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.

What do you call a smart blond?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
10 years and 45 lbs

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes

What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

What’s the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blond say when she found out she was pregnant?
‘Are you sure it’s mine?’

Why did O.J Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do drivers’ education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blond baby?
They named him ‘Sum Ting Wong’

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment

What’s the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with… ‘a recipe’.

What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins ‘Once upon a time .’ -A southern fairytale begins ‘Y’all ain’t gonna believe this....

Why is there no Disneyland in Japan ?
No one’s tall enough to go on the good rides

No comments: