Christmas greetings from Right Wing Extreme and family. I will be back after Christmas. Be well, be safe, and have a merry Christmas.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Christmas Joke Special
Merry Christmas all. Here is a great joke to give you a laugh for the holidays.
It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal today.
Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly, can leave early today."
Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."
Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."
Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."
Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.
Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."
Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."
Johnny is even madder than before.
Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."
Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."
Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.
When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"
The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"
Johnny: "Tiger Woods! Can I go now?"
It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal today.
Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly, can leave early today."
Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."
Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."
Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."
Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.
Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."
Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."
Johnny is even madder than before.
Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."
Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."
Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.
When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"
The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"
Johnny: "Tiger Woods! Can I go now?"
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
American Patriot/Hero of the Week
This week's Patriot and Hero is Gunnery Sergeant Carlos Hathcock. The Gunny was a Marine sniper during the Vietnam War. Gunny Hathcock developed his exceptional shooting skills as a young boy helping his family put food on the table. Gunny Hathcock served two tours in Vietnam, and only left after his track was blown up with an anti-tank mine. He saved seven men from the flaming vehicle but refused a Silver Star for his brave actions stating that he had only done what any of the others would have done, had they been awake. Thirty years later he was awarded the Silver Star despite his protests.
Gunny Hathcock had ninety-three confirmed kills, and many others that could not be confirmed, but is most famous for shooting another sniper sent to hunt him right through his scope. Despite what the MythBusters say, this is a proven fact, and a great piece of marksmanship. The Gunny was so effective in fact, that the NVA put a thirty-thousand dollar bounty on his head. The Gunny was so important to The Corps, that other snipers began to wear the Gunny's trademark white feather to deceive the enemy. Intentionally making themselves targets shows the great regard his peers had for him. After his accident, Gunny Hathcock help set up the U.S. Marine Scout Sniper School in Quantico, Virginia.
Gunny Hatchcock was forced to retire just fifty-five days short of his twenty years because he contracted Multiple-schlerosis. Unfortunately the Gunny felt that he had been run out of The Corps. After retirement, Gunny Hathcock trained police snipers from his hometown, and all over the country, at no charge from 1984 until his death in February 1999.
Gunnery Sergeant Hathcock was a great and brave man. He was also a great American who risked everything for his country. His acions during the war should be an inspiration to us all.
Gunny Hathcock had ninety-three confirmed kills, and many others that could not be confirmed, but is most famous for shooting another sniper sent to hunt him right through his scope. Despite what the MythBusters say, this is a proven fact, and a great piece of marksmanship. The Gunny was so effective in fact, that the NVA put a thirty-thousand dollar bounty on his head. The Gunny was so important to The Corps, that other snipers began to wear the Gunny's trademark white feather to deceive the enemy. Intentionally making themselves targets shows the great regard his peers had for him. After his accident, Gunny Hathcock help set up the U.S. Marine Scout Sniper School in Quantico, Virginia.
Gunny Hatchcock was forced to retire just fifty-five days short of his twenty years because he contracted Multiple-schlerosis. Unfortunately the Gunny felt that he had been run out of The Corps. After retirement, Gunny Hathcock trained police snipers from his hometown, and all over the country, at no charge from 1984 until his death in February 1999.
Gunnery Sergeant Hathcock was a great and brave man. He was also a great American who risked everything for his country. His acions during the war should be an inspiration to us all.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Joke of the Week
I know I have not posted lately, but between work, the family and being just plain tired, I took an unplanned pause for the cause. I am back now, and well rested now, I think. This weeks joke again comes from Doug H. It definitely is in keeping with my thoughts on the idiocy of political correctness. Enjoy the laugh.
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2008
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty
________________________________
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2008
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.
There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty
________________________________
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2008
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name.
I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Patty
________________________________
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2008
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first. There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
________________________________
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: October 5, 2008
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party
I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The B*tch from H*ll!!!
________________________________
Company Memo
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 6, 2008
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her recent nervous breakdown and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the asylum. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Whatever!
Joan
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2008
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty
________________________________
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2008
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.
There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty
________________________________
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2008
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name.
I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Patty
________________________________
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2008
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first. There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
________________________________
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: October 5, 2008
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party
I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The B*tch from H*ll!!!
________________________________
Company Memo
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 6, 2008
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her recent nervous breakdown and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the asylum. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Whatever!
Joan
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
American Patriot/Hero of the Week
This week's honoree, is Gunnery Sergeant Michael "Iron Mike" Burghardt. "Iron Mike" was an EOD tech. Pictured above, we see the sergeant, having just been blown up by an IED trap, expressing his sentiments to the bomber. Here is his story:
Leading the fight is Gunnery Sgt Michael Burghardt, known as "Iron Mike" or just "Gunny". He is on his third tour in Iraq. He had become a legend in the bomb disposal world after winning the Bronze Star for disabling 64 IEDs and destroying 1,548 pieces of ordnance during his second tour. Then, on September 19, he got blown up. He had arrived at a chaotic scene after a bomb had killed four US soldiers. He chose not to wear the bulky bomb protection suit. "You can't react to any sniper fire and you get tunnel-vision," he explains. So, protected by just a helmet and standard-issue flak jacket, he began what bomb disposal officers term "the longest walk", stepping gingerly into a 5ft deep and 8ft wide crater. The earth shifted slightly and he saw a Senao base station with a wire leading from it. He cut the wire and used his 7in knife to probe the ground. "I found a piece of red detonating cord between my legs," he says. "That's when I knew I was screwed."
Realizing he had been sucked into a trap, Sgt Burghardt, 35, yelled at everyone to stay back. At that moment, an insurgent, probably watching through binoculars, pressed a button on his mobile phone to detonate the secondary device below the sergeant's feet. "A chill went up the back of my neck and then the bomb exploded," he recalls. "As I was in the air I remember thinking, 'I don't believe they got me.' I was just ticked off they were able to do it. Then I was lying on the road, not able to feel anything from the waist down."
His colleagues cut off his trousers to see how badly he was hurt. None could believe his legs were still there. "My dad's a Vietnam vet who's paralyzed from the waist down," says Sgt Burghardt. "I was lying there thinking I didn't want to be in a wheelchair next to my dad and for him to see me like that. They started to cut away my pants and I felt a real sharp pain and blood trickling down. Then I wiggled my toes and I thought, 'Good, I'm in business.' As a stretcher was brought over, adrenaline and anger kicked in. "I decided to walk to the helicopter. I wasn't going to let my team-mates see me being carried away on a stretcher." He stood and gave the insurgents who had blown him up a one-fingered salute. "I flipped them one. It was like, 'OK, I lost that round but I'll be back next week'."
Copies of a photograph depicting his defiance, taken by Jeff Bundy for the Omaha World-Herald, adorn the walls of homes across America and that of Col John Gronski, the brigade commander in Ramadi, who has hailed the image as an exemplar of the warrior spirit. Sgt Burghardt's injuries — burns and wounds to his legs and buttocks — kept him off duty for nearly a month and could have earned him a ticket home. But, like his father — who was awarded a Bronze Star and three Purple Hearts for being wounded in action in Vietnam — he stayed in Ramadi to engage in the battle against insurgents who are forever coming up with more ingenious ways of killing Americans.
This man exemplifies the fighting spirit of our armed forces in Iraq, and makes him this week's American Hero. Ooh-rah Marine.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Joke of the Week 2.0
Obama Named Country Music Entertainer of the Year
Surprise Selection Shocks Nashville
NASHVILLE (The Borowitz Report) -
President Barack Obama stunned the country music world today by picking up its highest honor, Country Music Entertainer of the Year.
Mr. Obama was chosen unanimously, according to the Country Music Association, beating out such favorite as Carrie Underwood and Toby Keith. In Nashville, country music insiders were shocked by Mr. Obama's selection, given that he has only been in office for eight months and during that time has yet to record a single country song. But Mr. Obama was gracious in receiving the honor, saying that he was "honored and humbled" by the award before excusing himself to accept this year's Heisman Trophy.
Surprise Selection Shocks Nashville
NASHVILLE (The Borowitz Report) -
President Barack Obama stunned the country music world today by picking up its highest honor, Country Music Entertainer of the Year.
Mr. Obama was chosen unanimously, according to the Country Music Association, beating out such favorite as Carrie Underwood and Toby Keith. In Nashville, country music insiders were shocked by Mr. Obama's selection, given that he has only been in office for eight months and during that time has yet to record a single country song. But Mr. Obama was gracious in receiving the honor, saying that he was "honored and humbled" by the award before excusing himself to accept this year's Heisman Trophy.
Joke of the Week
Tip o' The Hat to my lovely wife.
WRONG EMAIL ADDRESS
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.
Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack.
The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: April 27, 2009
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in.
I've seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!!!! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P. S. Sure is freaking hot down here!!!!
WRONG EMAIL ADDRESS
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.
Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack.
The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: April 27, 2009
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in.
I've seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!!!! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P. S. Sure is freaking hot down here!!!!
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Patton Lives
The other day I was listening to the G. Gordon Liddy show, and I heard an awesome speech by a comedian named Mike Kaminski. Kaminski does voices, both imitations and originals, and in this speech he played this week's American Patriot/Hero, General George S. Patton. "Patton" put forth some interesting thoughts on the current state of affairs in this nation and with our current wars. I could easily believe that the real Patton would have given a speech exactly like this, were he alive today. Men, such as Patton, made this country the "Shining City on the Hill," and I wish we had more like him, as we are sorely in need of more great men. While poking around the interwebs, I found this same speech, but set to video. I offer for your viewing enjoyment, this awesome speech. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
American Patriot/Hero of the Week
Yesterday I was listen to the G. Gordon Liddy show while I worked, and I heard a speech performed by a comedian who does impersonations. More on the speech in tomorrow's post. He was pretending to give a speech as General George S. Patton III, and that reminded me of someone I wanted to honor in my American Patriot/Hero of the Week posts for awhile now. So without further adieu, this weeks selection is General Patton.
Many have forgotten Patton's exploits. Besides being a formidable General during World War II, Patton fought Pancho Villa, was an Olympic Competitor, and was the Army's youngest ever Master of the Sword. He was so good with the sword, that he redesigned the Army sword of the day and literally wrote the book on the proper use thereof. He also revised American tactics and strategy concerning the use of tanks and armored cars.
General Patton was a rather outspoken man who would have had none of the namby-pamby political correctness that is ruining this once fine nation. Prior to the battle of Sicily, in a speech Patton said, "When we land against the enemy, don't forget to hit him and hit him hard. When we meet the enemy we will kill him. We will show him no mercy. He has killed thousands of your comrades and he must die. If your company officers in leading your men against the enemy find him shooting at you and when you get within two hundred yards of him he wishes to surrender – oh no! That bastard will die! You will kill him. Stick him between the third and fourth ribs. You will tell your men that. They must have the killer instinct. Tell them to stick him. Stick him in the liver. We will get the name of killers and killers are immortal. When word reaches him that he is being faced by a killer battalion he will fight less. We must build up that name as killers."
Patton was a hard General. His troops called him "Old Blood and Guts," with the usual refrain being, "Our blood but his guts." Despite this, many soldiers wanted to serve under this great general because they felt that their chances of survival were better under him. No greater honor can be bestowed upon a leader of soldiers than that. Characteristically, and to the detriment of his career, Patton slapped a man recovering from "battle fatigue" because he thought the man a coward. He held his men to the highest standards, but this was nothing compared to the standard to which he held his officers or himself. It is because of this high personal standard, that even the soldier Patton had assaulted, Charles H. Kuhl, thought Patton was a great general.
On December 21, 1945, a car accident claimed a prize that hundreds of thousands of Germans could not, Patton's life. True to his role as a great leader of men, Patton was buried in Hamm Luxomburg with his soldiers as he wished to be buried with his men.
Patton was the kind of man that this country could use more of. He would have lead the fight against our enemies and neither dithered, nor given in to pressures to coddle terrorist garbage. Men like Patton make me feel that possibly I was born in the wrong era. He is a perfect example of why the men who fought WWII are called "the greatest American Generation." Perhaps we should learn the lessons taught by our forefathers, such as Patton, and take back our country and return to the values America was founded on.
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